martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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