my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
