Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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