there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
