I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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