I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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