Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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