Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
