it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
