she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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