If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
