Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
