Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
