Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
