too bad you live with your parents still
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
