My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
