did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
