Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
