I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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