Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
