I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
