he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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