Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
