so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
