Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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