I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
