I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How does it feel to date your dad?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
