This girl is more easily done than said...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
