And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
