You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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