dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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