Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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