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I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
