my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
