dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
