I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
