Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
