Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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