If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
