Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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