Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
