My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
