So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
