remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We need a shit load of segways right now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
