He had one of those small greek statue penises
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
