And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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