Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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