she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
