Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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