Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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