i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
