i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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