Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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