Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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