oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
